For a couple of years now I have been dealing with infertility. I shouldn’t say “I”, because I have not been doing it alone. Let me rephrase, my husband and I have been dealing with infertility. We got married 3yrs ago, and for the last two years we have been dealing with this issue. We, like most couples went to several doctor appointments and had several invasive embarassing tests performed to help us understand what the problem was. Let me tell you some of those doctors owe me dinner after what they did to me if you kow what I mean..
After several tests, and rounds of fertility medication we decided enough was enough. The medication made me feel like I was going crazy, anybody else feel that way? Anyway, we decided to stop stressing over all of the doctor stuff and we were going to focus on our health and see if that would help us. I started exercising and dieting and so far, no babies. But I know it is working because my body is balancing itself out. I was diagnosed with PCOS and have a hard time ovulating. My body either does it once in awhile or just not at all. Every month I feel like I am playing some twisted version of Mother-May-I. Mother-May-I please be pregnant, or mother may I please get a period. Let me tell you, wishing that I get a period is something I never thought I woud have to wish for. But I do. Because with my body,that means I am doing something right,or I am on the right track with my diet and exercise routine. Because when it doesn’t come, and you’re not pregnant, the feeling you get as a woman is devistatingly depressing.
The silver lining on those dark days, is the fact that we are not alone. There are people that are going through the same thing we are. Every situation is different, and some may be more severe than others, but the common things we share are the feelings of emptiness, anger, and frustration. Now, how could that possibly be a silver lining? Having so many people with these horrible feelings to relate to? There is another thing we all have in common, HOPE. We are all hanging onto a big cloud of hope, with both hands. Every now and then we slip, and lose our grasp on it and one hand falls. But like Jack held onto Rose on the back of that ship, hope pulls us back up.
There is also one other thing that we have in common and that is faith. Now, I know my personal beliefs in God might not be the same as what somebody else might believe. But I still believe that we have faith in common. We all have faith that our new diet or exercise routine is helping. We have faith in our doctors, nurses, and clinical support staff. We have faith, that the medication that makes us feel like we are losing our minds, is actually going to work this time.
Personally, my faith comes from God, knowing that he has a plan, and that I am being taught something from all of this. Some days I wish he would hurry up with his plan, or let me in on it. I also wish he would just hurry up with his lesson. But I know in my heart and have faith that he is taking care of it. Besides I know one of his lessons is in patience, so he’s not fooling me.
So what’s the take away?
Weather you are struggling to conceive, or have been successful after days,weeks,months, or years (cue 90’s tv theme music)We all have something in common that bonds us. You’re not in it ’til you’re in it, but if you are, just remember what we are here for each other.
And the thing about hope and faith is…
There are no limitations to them!