Today was another Wednesday like every other Wednesday before, and every other Wednesday that will come after. It is the mid-week hurdle we strive to climb over, just to get a glimpse of the upcoming weekend. Usually I can start seeing the weekend from here, and I can start getting excited over whatever planned or unplanned adventure that might be in store. Today was a normal Wednesday.
After snoozing my alarm a few hundred times, I finally crawled out of bed. I blindly made my way to the bathroom where I put my eyeballs in (contact lenses) looked in the mirror, and sighed that once again I am getting ready for work. I did my usual makeup routine. This involves any number of products and brushes and usually takes the same 30-40 minutes every time. Depends on how the eyeliner behaves, ladies, you know the struggle. I then try to make my horse mane of hair look halfway decent. Most days it ends up on top of my head. It is unruly and a beast to deal with. Humidity in the summer is one of my archenemies. I end up looking like I got my finger stuck in a light socket. My husband finds this to be hilarious, and he mimics the sound of a small soft muffled combustion every time I mention the beast atop my head. After my hair is tamed, I then go back into the bedroom and get dressed. I work in a large dental practice and we all wear scrubs…getting dressed is the easiest thing in the world!
After all that is done, I finally make my way into the kitchen for breakfast. Breakfast usually consists of a whole-milk greek yogurt dish. There are a few flavors I love. I am very picky when it comes to yogurt, so to find more than one flavor I like was a surprise. I then turn on the news and drown out most of what the newscasters are saying. The real reason I turn it on is to catch the weather. Wisconsin has strange weather forecasts..today was 70 and tomorrow it is going to be in the 30’s. Mother nature is fickle. After the weather comes on it is about time for me to head out the door.
Today was no different from any other. I sat at my desk answering the phone, making appointments, taking payments, and a variety of other mundane tasks that I do over and over every day. Nothing changes.
I clock in and out, day after day. Most of us do this week after week, year after year, and most of us find ourselves wanting more…needing more.
When I was younger I had so many hopes and dreams about my future, and what I would be doing with my life. I had a million things I thought I could be when I grew up. At what point in my life did I decide to give up those aspirations, and just go through the motions of life? What happened to those dreams?
Like most people, I spent my twenties trying to figure out who I was as a person. Bouncing from job to job until I found the dental world. At some point along the way I forgot what I really wanted in life. We are taught to go to school, get a good education, and from there decide what we will do with our lives. What you choose to follow in school will determine your future and your success. I did not finish college, and if you count success by monetary value, then you could say I have struggled to be successful.
What determines a persons success?
Is it how many cars you have, or how many houses you own? Is it a stamp on every page in your passport,each from a different country from all of your vacations? Reality tv would say yes, that is what success is. We live in a society where comparing our monetary value to each other has become second nature. We buy things just to say we have them, and to show off when other people don’t have those same things. I feel like the word success has become a game of keeping up with the Jones’ ( or Kardashians if we are being realistic)
I found myself at my desk today, thinking of all the things I would rather be doing with my life than punching in and out day after day. I had this brief glimpse of hope that I was destined to be bigger and better than where I was at that moment. I had a thousand thoughts about what destiny might have in store for me. None of which I have a clue about, but I got this overwhelming sensation that I am destined for greatness. I thought about ways to make my life more meaningful for myself. I thought there is no possible way that God would have created all of us, to just work and die.
That is essentially, what most of us are in the process of doing. We put in 40 hours or more a week, spend most of our weekends catching up on other chores or things we have not had time to get done through the week, and then wake up Monday morning and start a new cycle of the mundane. Eventually we will retire, and die, and some of us will have regrets of things we did not do in our lives. Things we did not make time for, things we thought we couldn’t do, but in reality we were too afraid of Jumping.
Aren’t you scared?
I am scared of not living life. I am scared of being a cog in the machine that has become our lives. I have decided that I am going to regain control over my life and I am not going to be scared any longer!
I have already started making little changes in my life. Some of them you can read about in other blog posts. Others I have not even discovered yet. Whatever the case may be, I am looking forward to my future. I am looking forward to living life the way I want to. I am looking forward to seeing where life takes me and my hubby, and I am looking forward to seeing what my destiny turns out to be.
I am a successful person. I am successful in my marriage, with my family, and my friends. I am successful in the kindness and support I receive daily from my coworkers. I am successful in many ways that I take for granted most of the time. I am not unhappy with my life, I simply find myself wanting and needing more. Maybe that makes me selfish. Maybe not. Maybe all these thoughts are stemming from me being pent-up in the house all winter, and they are signs I just need some vitamin D.
Whatever the case may be I will leave you with this….
I don’t know what road life is taking me on right now, but I do know, I am excited for the drive, and maybe a little nervous…but not scared!